Personal Stories & Essays

This part will get you started. You will find a few diary entries, an essay and a description of some basic elements of the practice. Enough diversity to get a sense of the many aspects of life that are touched when you start to have such a simple intervention as changing the way you share and the way you listen to and with others.

First is a one page written by a Dutch man, you will notice how the practice invited him to be more authentic and how that spilled over into his personal life.

Blank Pages, by Kim Van der Hulst

Who am I here to write, contribute to a book? Me, with my fear of writing or expressing myself?

Having done attempts before and suffered miserably.

What is different now, what has changed? A lot of things have changed. One remarkable thing has been stumbling into The Stoa, first on YouTube and then on the website and from there this curious invitation to join a Collective Presencing session with people I didn’t know, with the only real ask to keep my camera on.

Getting over the initial fear of picking up a talking piece, slowly melting away the tension and inner expectation of needing to say something profound or meaningful, beyond the sense of it being alive for me.

Slowly allowing my perceived obligation to respond to what others were sharing to also be swallowed by the middle.

Already after the first session I felt drawn in. Here something different was happening and I liked it! Not knowing why, a big part of me was feeling confused. In the early sessions sometimes only getting a few words in, but mostly leaving more alive than after most regular conversations I had been in in the past.

A changing inquiry question… “… entering the dark forest…” started to shake things up even more. My body trembling of an energy that’s hard to pinpoint. As soon as I picked up the piece, gone! Clarity. Calm. Now what do I say?

I engaged in the Book club, in a Deep Dive, in weekly Open Sessions and in the Core Practitioners meetings. Now, almost a year later I’ve been co-hosting, tech-hosting and hosting Open Session, started experimenting and initiating sessions around specific themes, and joined Creative Presencing for Leaders.

Finding new ways of expression, new freedom in expression in many forms: spoken, in sounds, in movement, in drawings, in writing.

Deep connections with fellow travelers for the long haul, sometimes with hitchhikers for a single session. All welcome, all good.

Listening without the need or obligation to respond.

Speaking without the expectation of a response. And unexpectedly often feeling more heard and seen then if there would have been a response.

Relaxing and trusting the timing that an impulse to speak will come, being content if it doesn’t, even for a whole session. Slowly but surely showing more of myself, more personal, more spacious, louder, more spontaneous, more direct. More alive. Parts of me that were frozen and stuck slowly thawing in the warmth radiating out of the middle and the people gathering around it. Not in huge cathartic moments, but in a gentle flow of subtle transformations.

And throughout this year I am really feeling more globally connected. This time not by traveling to these places physically, but by hearing the stories and feeling my friends in these other places.

This ever-deepening appreciation for a good, rich and delicious inquiry question in the middle. Turning into a sommelier of expansive questions, getting drunk by the unexpected twists and turns that our shared inquiries take. Fresh insights, new ways of looking and connecting with the world and all its different dimensions.

All the while a part of me is still confused about the practice: what am I doing here? What are we doing here? Am I wasting my time? Then slowly seeing the practice sprout in my life. In conversation with my partner I catch myself actually listening, also there the expectation to respond starts to melt into the middle. My mind is wondering if my partner still thinks I care. The feedback that comes is that she feels heard more, given the space to actually express without being interrupted.

I trust the timing that if a response starts to form I can allow it to come out, more alive and spontaneous instead of pre-cooked and regurgitated.

From the group’s sessions, slowly the one-on-one meetings started to happen, sometimes on my invitation, sometimes by others. Deepening the connections with this wonderful group of human beings.

___________

As Kim outlines here, becoming a practitioner of this type of dialogue, doesn’t go through deep cathartic moments but “in a gentle flow of subtle transformations”. I have seen amazing personal growth in many different individuals through attending weekly one and a half hour sessions (even online!): people speaking up who are generally very quiet, people quieting down who normally try to expose their knowledge, people taking initiative who normally wait for others … In general, participants in these dialogues come closer to their unique essence, taking up some initiator’s role, becoming more explicit about their own unique point of contribution.

Next for you to read is a first dairy entry by a young Brazilian lady. You will meet her a couple of times here, sharing about different elements. This is her opening sentence: “I am opening my diary for you to read, and this is actually how Collective Presencing always felt to me: opening myself to be read by others, while being held by something bigger than my own judgments, or other people’s judgments. … As I start writing a potential part in the book, I observe what is present in me. There is excitement, there is passion, and love for this practice. There is also insecurity. And many other things on my mind (a to-do list, memories of the dreams I had today, a decision to be made about where to live) and a nice feeling of being present with my own mind as I write this, with music that is helping me to enjoy the flow.”

In the practice we start every conversation – after a welcome and a framing – with a check-in round. The aim is to let others in the circle know what kind of energy, or inner weather, you arrive with. It is also a time and space to share whatever is on your mind, in your body or emotions that block you from being more or fully present. Listen to what Amanda wants to share:

Not needing to be pretty, not needing to be important, by Amanda Zamparo

If I were to do a check in now, I would choose to talk about the importance of Collective Presencing.

How did it become such an important part of my life? What is calling me here?

I still remember my first session in Collective Presencing. I was so worried about my image on the video. I was caught up in my nationality, and in past experiences of being me, and being with international people. I was so stuck in my self-image… Then, I actually had to turn my camera off and leave the circle to pick up a package downstairs. I was off for about 20 or 30 minutes. When I was back, I still felt crazy enough to share something in the check out. I even pasted a link in the chat: Feminine Wisdom and the power of weakness. I felt the resonance, I felt like I had found a treasure, a virtual oasis where my body could rest, I felt home, and I just needed to voice that I was there. I also said: “I liked the question!”

With some time – I would say around 9 months in – I learned to use ‘hide self view’ in Zoom; I learned to free myself from the need to evaluate myself as beautiful. In my culture, I have been trained to look a certain way, so that I could belong – that is the conditioning. It seems stupid and boring as I write. It seems bullshit.

Anyway, it is bullshit! The Collective Presencing spirit teaches me, every time: cut the bullshit! Anything that has a hint of performance is gently invited to be dissolved, so that what is true might have some space, even if it is a small and fragile space: when it’s true, the collective body will recognize it and make it shine.

___________

We can see when someone is being a victim of their own self-image, and starts to perform in the circle; we can all feel it. What is most amazing to me is that we don’t need to point at it, we don’t need to change anything in our hosting, we just need to be present with whatever is present: it doesn’t matter if it is our resistance, our admiration or our indifference towards someone.

The more I was able to identify – and be present with – my feelings of resistance, admiration or indifference – the more I was also able to experience openness, inspiration and curiosity for anyone in the circle – including myself.

Amanda describes well how a very personal conditioning could be dropped through the practice, without ever talking about it in the circle. What made this possible is the basic stance of this practice: one of non-judgment, both for self and for others. We will later explain how this takes form in what we name as not speaking across the fire. (in Part 3)

Following is an essay, by another core practitioner, an older US citizen living in Paris, wherein most of the basic forms and principles of Collective Presencing are presented. We will highlight and explain the core elements after the essay.

Emerging Presence, essay by Eric Lichtman

Collective Presencing emerges in diverse ways within a circle. Many interests, curiosities, potentials and challenges are stimulated when engaged in a Collective Presencing (CP) practice. CP containers can be quite organic, similar to a fruit tree that in very fertile ground can grow quickly with the right conditions—light, air, sun, moisture, rich soil, etc. During a slowly-paced, well-organized (well-rooted), 90-minute circle session, different stems and branches with their intricate blossoms and nourishing fruits often emerge. This writing mostly highlights one feature of a CP-oriented circle, based on my observations as a practitioner for over two years: Emerging Presence.

The basic guidelines for creating our containers in Collective Presencing are fairly simple and accessible. This, in itself, allows for a remarkable range of participants’ interests, as each circle formation tends to grow its inner structure and resonance around (and within), including all those who participate. While we may refer to The Field, The Middle, the Rim of the circle, the actual circle of humans gathered—we as participants, in a natural way contribute many vital elements, which include the wider environment. All of We (and everything) becomes included in this circle—all are vital elements that combine and mix into an organic, fertile, tree-friendly co-creation!

When we host circles for Collective Presencing, we begin usually with a short introduction, then move to a check-in, followed by a framing from the host or co-hosts. After this, there’s a question, an Inquiry that is put in the middle of the circle, which can serve as an anchor or a focal point, a center-point (but it’s not necessary for this Inquiry to be directly engaged); the Dialogue follows with the question available for participants to see. The Inquiry (or Guiding Question) serves as an entry point to “The Field.” As we participate in our Circles, and explore sharing around The Middle, we listen, speak, sense, feel, reflect, express, contemplate, and “climb into” or feel into—leaning into and collaborating with a world full of adventure and the unknown; we enter into territory truly beyond any one individual, embarking in this journey, in which trusting together becomes better, more enriching for collective wisdom to emerge.

We are reminded by the dialogue hosts—to express ourselves, as much as possible—from The Middle and to The Middle. Does this sound confusing? It really isn’t once one has the opportunity to step into a CP container. As newcomers learn ways to participate in a CP circle, each person, in their own way, learns to sense into the circle’s resonance. As participants develop some familiarity with how it feels to come into Presence, the energies co-created by the participants tend to co-regulate, taking care of themselves—when given sufficient awareness (presencing) within the circle’s parameters. We generate a warm invitation: Participants—be willing to share, be willing to learn, uncover, and discover—lean into our process, attend carefully, and be fully present.

A note about coming into presence: In my early years in grade school when class attendance was taken, the teacher would call the names—James, Sylvie, Frank, Felipe, Susie, et al. Nearly everyone responds by saying “here” or “present” as the teacher checks their class roll. Simply by showing up, and occupying a seat in the class, the student claims to be “present”—yet, what does this really mean? They signal that they are “present” by their physical sense of being in the room, and that they’re occupying or filling a seat. But, in a CP session, participants do not merely “occupy” a seat in the circle. We are invited to show up fully—body, emotions, thoughts, environment, dreams, wishes, and more; we invite ourselves and one another to become activated—to feel life flowing through us, pulsating, merging fully within an ongoing adventure of presence.

What, then, are the main ingredients that go into our discovery of “ongoing presence” during a CP session? What’s primarily happening when we engage in Presencing? How does our awareness and aliveness influence our circle practice? Further, what happens to our Presencing as we become more Collective? A focus on Presencing generates tremendous, ongoing curiosity for me. It leads me to this writing. It motivates the following inquiry: what particular qualities contribute to vitality, depth, and discovery within an effective Collective Presencing session?

Attuning to energies that surface during a CP session encourages more overall dynamism and aliveness in the CP container. Expanding our individual tuning into what matters, from a felt sense and a personal urgency, is an important ingredient to showing up and being more fully present. Then this becomes part of our shared frequency; as material is shared collectively, it takes on energy and we become more energized. The “juicy material” of what matters goes to the center, and resides in The Middle; it also becomes vital to the weaving within the circle. Collectively the circle deepens our practice into what matters in ongoing and somewhat mysterious, non-linear ways, as our being present becomes, quite naturally, Collective Presencing.

This ongoing embodiment, both individually and collectively, reflects a growing group resonance. We also incorporate awareness of ways we use our voice and words to communicate. We communicate with our tones, we express using gestures—we communicate with hands, face, etc. At times, we may feel a need to “sing” or shout or murmur, or even silently to gesture what’s present so as not to feel constrained by conventional expression. This process of embodying our diverse communication adds detail and nuance to our map of presencing: who are we, both as individuals, and as a collective body? How do we—as emerging presences—feel called to share, to witness, to become authentic, together, as much as possible during our session? As our body-sensing of energies naturally becomes more transparent, we as a group become more coherent. Quite subtly, our focus and attention become activated, which gives shape to diverse and co-creative contributions. We commit to bringing all of ourselves into a CP circle—body sensations, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, tensions, delights, mysteries, etc. We continually open to the potential within the circle, and our individual and collectively expanding sensibilities. We often experience a refreshed and expanded vision of Time and Space; we become dancing partners together.