Called to Artful Dialogue

If you pick up this book, you probably are on a journey – longer or shorter, more or less profound – and realizing that ‘somehow’ ‘something’ ‘somewhere’ needs to change.

But what? And where?
How to do it better than so far?

Something in how we speak, listen and work together is no longer adequate for the world we are living in – our habitual conversational style needs an upgrade. Many of us feel this tension in teams, projects and communities – although urgently needed, collaboration in many project teams is disappointing – the issues we face are complex and urgent, yet our habitual way of conversing often leave us stuck, polarised or exhausted.
This book starts from a simple premise: the way we converse matters; our prevailing conversational habits are not sufficient for the many collective challenging questions we are facing.

Collective Presencing is a collective practice that focuses on how we meet one another in conversation – how we listen, how we sense and how we stay in relationship – also when complexity, difference and uncertainty are present. Rather than zooming in on ‘solving problems’, this practice attends to the quality of the relational field in which problems are held. It invites participants to bring their subtle, embodied senses into dialogue, so that conversations become places of shared orientation, creativity, coherence and co-creation.

This collective practice builds on individual practices – such as meditation, embodiment, contemplative inquiry or any spiritual practice – and places them explicitly in service of a collective inquiry process. Any personal practice is a much needed foundation, but is no longer enough; what is needed is a way of collective inquiry, in real time, with real stakes.

This book is a practical guide. It offers principles, patterns and examples in order to support any group that wants to engage in conversations that are more generative, relationally grounded and responsive to the complexity of the issues they face. It is not meant to be exhaustive, but usable – something you can take into your group, team or circle and begin practicing.

This book weaves together multiple voices and forms – essays, reflections, personal accounts – reflecting the nature of the practice itself: a constant interweaving of different voices with different stories. As with any practice, understanding emerges over time through engagement. The intention is a process of growing capacity, both for individuals and groups: to listen more deeply, to stay present together, and to navigate uncertainty with greater coherence and care.
Reading along, you can taste the different flavors added to the mix (even a tiny bit of AI structured this introduction, thanks to Dona). Slowly but surely you will get a picture of the whole weave in the end. As this collective practice is ‘a practice’ in the real sense of the word, you will notice how practitioners are changed – even transformed – through their ongoing engagement.

In this sense, the book is an invitation to continue your own unfolding in a group context, and offers guidelines of how to host and participate in conversations that are more artful, generative and alive. With this practice as the basis we aim for a working culture with deep respect for all things relational.

The first part zooms in on what is happening in our world in this time and hence, what is it that we need to be able to change the trajectory of the world that seems to go downhill. We don’t spend a lot of words on this because we want to focus on what you need to start to have conversations in an enlivening way. (see Part 2) The different authors with their different styles each elaborate on different elements. I’m weaving it all together and will compact the essentials into some simple descriptions so that you can get started with enough confidence and also with an understanding of where you could fall off the tracks.

When you have been hosting or facilitating circles or meaningful conversations before, you could jump straight to Part 3 and 4. These will give you the finer details on how this type of dialogue is different from others. You will get more of its specific DNA explained.

Part 5 sketches out some elements and patterns that are crucial to make an actual network or community of practitioners work in a style and with methods that actually are in alignment with the core of the dialogue practice. Hence the self-organising nature of this venture and the learning points along the way.To get started with applying Collective Presencing practice to your group you don’t necessarily need to read the last part. It describes more of the current developments in the network, detailing a bit more of the personal and interpersonal capacities needed to do this work well.

It is clear for many of us that our usual ways of working and conversing are not up to the tasks and problems at hand. We know too well that there aren’t any simple solutions, and understand deeply that more rules, or more technologies, or more planning, or more business-as-usual don’t prepare us well for dealing with the hottest week on record, the fires, the floods, the inequality, the conflicts, … too many to name here. Each of you could add the specific problems that you encounter in your part and place in the world. The list is long, even endless. As humanity, we are stuck and there is a need to expand the solution space – wider and deeper – to be able to untie the many knots. Clearly, we are in need of something else: different and better ways of being with one another, with all of life around us. We hold the belief that if we can converse with each other, while fully embodying the many relationships we are part of – the connectedness and the constant interweaving – then we will be able to create another world.

We want to dive deeper into Life itself, into a deep embodied understanding of what it is to be fully alive, to be fully thriving together. If you look closely, you notice that most current conversations are not bringing the meaning or the clarity needed, but just offer more of the same. Hence we return to some basics: how we talk with one another, how we create new meaning together. Tending to the basics doesn’t mean it is all simple or simplistic. Basics refer here to a root layer that most of the time stays invisible to our normal, habitual ways of looking. Are we speaking from the assumption of being separate beings, or from an embodied sense that all things and all people are somehow related in a soup of complexity? This is the practice we will describe to you.

I came to this collective practice, which is now called Collective Presencing, because I was intrigued by something that now and then happened in my early circle practice. Imagine a group of people, sitting in a circle, listening with great attention to one another, all engaged with a really difficult question. The kind of question that holds the complexity of what is going on; all realizing that a planned and even a complicated approach is not going to cut it. Sometimes it felt as if we all entered a different space, a deeper level of insights, somehow tangible, but still subtle – hard to describe.

I was intrigued by this magic in the middle: as if one was speaking from a different place than usual; as if we were all, somehow, contributing to a puzzle image that no one had seen before. Enough difference with our normal speech that we saw it as magic.

Within the context of me getting to know – and practicing deeply – several participatory methodologies I found myself returning to what we called the mother of all methods: the circle. Ancient as it is – the tribe meeting under the local tree, or a group of friends meeting around the campfire – it has been brought to our (Western) attention by a couple of people and networks: The Circle Way and The Way of Council. Old social technology translated for our times.

I went on a quest – with many, many people in many circles over many years – to understand the conditions to make this magic happen more easily. One element in this search was the term – and some of the practices – of Presencing, as brought to light by Otto Scharmer. Presencing is a new word invented by him; a compilation of Presence and Sensing. Being as present as you can in the moment, and sensing into the potential or even the future. Now that came very close to that wide-open attention, witnessing and listening that I had noticed in these specific moments. Important to me was to add the word Collective. Deep inside of me (hence the importance of that word sensing) I knew that we were dis-covering something really new, and that we had to practice this together. A generative dialogue practice that builds on the capacity of participants to be fully present or here – through any personal practice that they might have.

“The systemic is not to be seen by one person.” – Daniel auf der Mauer

What becomes possible when we are all fully present in this moment – not distracted or caught by any pattern in thought or emotions – and can sense and think creatively while engaging with some wicked questions that try to deal with one of our many global questions? What really is possible then?

Not falling back in conceptual thinking: we should do such and such… not assuming the others will do what is needed: it would be good if… but all of us become first movers, even in the simple act of articulating some deep felt sense of what is going on or could be possible. Or taking up some responsibility with some others and making something out-of-the-box happen, something that never existed before?

Most people drawn to this practice are steeped in one or more religious / spiritual / embodied / psychological traditions, sometimes with more than 20 or 30 years of experience in yoga practice or Quaker meetings or Authentic Relating or… others just entering the worlds of embodiment, personal growth or spiritual practice. That’s maybe the most intriguing thing: we are all coming from very different streams of practice and we don’t have the need to name the ocean that we’re flowing toward. That kind of linearity doesn’t hold our attention. What is crucial though is that we witness, value and respect each contribution and we keep our senses wide open for what the weaving of it all reveals.

It’s pretty amazing that we can respect the integrity of each wisdom stream – be it Christian, Feldenkreis, Jewish, shamanic, Circling, druid, Integral, yoga, circle practice, improv … We notice the deeper, shared layer of connecting deeply, through the body practices, to the more imminent. The different streams don’t get in the way of coming to collective clarity and wisdom. It is actually that deeper quality (of being in an embodied practice) that draws most of us in. It seems to allow for more essential wisdom. A next iteration of collective wisdom that might be of good use in communities, teams, groups and organisations; to establish a conversational style that will bring wisdom and wholeness regardless of what topic we look deeper into.

We are not spelling out the doom and gloom that we notice is going on in this world, instead we are asking ourselves how can we be more like elders or stewards together – of all of life on this planet – and hold and refuel the needed wisdom? Where in our society can we come together to do this, not tied to any preconceived frame or theory? What are the pure essentials for a conversation to lead to these outcomes?

When we stay present together – to the rawness of life now – we can enter the fullness of a shared silence; then we become a we that is available to life and living.

This part will get you started. You will find a few diary entries, an essay and a description of some basic elements of the practice. Enough diversity to get a sense of the many aspects of life that are touched when you start to have such a simple intervention as changing the way you share and the way you listen to and with others.

First is a one page written by a Dutch man, you will notice how the practice invited him to be more authentic and how that spilled over into his personal life.

Blank Pages, by Kim Van der Hulst

Who am I here to write, contribute to a book? Me, with my fear of writing or expressing myself?

Having done attempts before and suffered miserably.

What is different now, what has changed? A lot of things have changed. One remarkable thing has been stumbling into The Stoa, first on YouTube and then on the website and from there this curious invitation to join a Collective Presencing session with people I didn’t know, with the only real ask to keep my camera on.

Getting over the initial fear of picking up a talking piece, slowly melting away the tension and inner expectation of needing to say something profound or meaningful, beyond the sense of it being alive for me.

Slowly allowing my perceived obligation to respond to what others were sharing to also be swallowed by the middle.

Already after the first session I felt drawn in. Here something different was happening and I liked it! Not knowing why, a big part of me was feeling confused. In the early sessions sometimes only getting a few words in, but mostly leaving more alive than after most regular conversations I had been in in the past.

A changing inquiry question… “… entering the dark forest…” started to shake things up even more. My body trembling of an energy that’s hard to pinpoint. As soon as I picked up the piece, gone! Clarity. Calm. Now what do I say?

I engaged in the Book club, in a Deep Dive, in weekly Open Sessions and in the Core Practitioners meetings. Now, almost a year later I’ve been co-hosting, tech-hosting and hosting Open Session, started experimenting and initiating sessions around specific themes, and joined Creative Presencing for Leaders.

Finding new ways of expression, new freedom in expression in many forms: spoken, in sounds, in movement, in drawings, in writing.

Deep connections with fellow travelers for the long haul, sometimes with hitchhikers for a single session. All welcome, all good.

Listening without the need or obligation to respond.

Speaking without the expectation of a response. And unexpectedly often feeling more heard and seen then if there would have been a response.

Relaxing and trusting the timing that an impulse to speak will come, being content if it doesn’t, even for a whole session. Slowly but surely showing more of myself, more personal, more spacious, louder, more spontaneous, more direct. More alive. Parts of me that were frozen and stuck slowly thawing in the warmth radiating out of the middle and the people gathering around it. Not in huge cathartic moments, but in a gentle flow of subtle transformations.

And throughout this year I am really feeling more globally connected. This time not by traveling to these places physically, but by hearing the stories and feeling my friends in these other places.

This ever-deepening appreciation for a good, rich and delicious inquiry question in the middle. Turning into a sommelier of expansive questions, getting drunk by the unexpected twists and turns that our shared inquiries take. Fresh insights, new ways of looking and connecting with the world and all its different dimensions.

All the while a part of me is still confused about the practice: what am I doing here? What are we doing here? Am I wasting my time? Then slowly seeing the practice sprout in my life. In conversation with my partner I catch myself actually listening, also there the expectation to respond starts to melt into the middle. My mind is wondering if my partner still thinks I care. The feedback that comes is that she feels heard more, given the space to actually express without being interrupted.

I trust the timing that if a response starts to form I can allow it to come out, more alive and spontaneous instead of pre-cooked and regurgitated.

From the group’s sessions, slowly the one-on-one meetings started to happen, sometimes on my invitation, sometimes by others. Deepening the connections with this wonderful group of human beings.

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As Kim outlines here, becoming a practitioner of this type of dialogue, doesn’t go through deep cathartic moments but “in a gentle flow of subtle transformations”. I have seen amazing personal growth in many different individuals through attending weekly one and a half hour sessions (even online!): people speaking up who are generally very quiet, people quieting down who normally try to expose their knowledge, people taking initiative who normally wait for others … In general, participants in these dialogues come closer to their unique essence, taking up some initiator’s role, becoming more explicit about their own unique point of contribution.

Next for you to read is a first dairy entry by a young Brazilian lady. You will meet her a couple of times here, sharing about different elements. This is her opening sentence: “I am opening my diary for you to read, and this is actually how Collective Presencing always felt to me: opening myself to be read by others, while being held by something bigger than my own judgments, or other people’s judgments. … As I start writing a potential part in the book, I observe what is present in me. There is excitement, there is passion, and love for this practice. There is also insecurity. And many other things on my mind (a to-do list, memories of the dreams I had today, a decision to be made about where to live) and a nice feeling of being present with my own mind as I write this, with music that is helping me to enjoy the flow.”

In the practice we start every conversation – after a welcome and a framing – with a check-in round. The aim is to let others in the circle know what kind of energy, or inner weather, you arrive with. It is also a time and space to share whatever is on your mind, in your body or emotions that block you from being more or fully present. Listen to what Amanda wants to share:

Not needing to be pretty, not needing to be important, by Amanda Zamparo

If I were to do a check in now, I would choose to talk about the importance of Collective Presencing.

How did it become such an important part of my life? What is calling me here?

I still remember my first session in Collective Presencing. I was so worried about my image on the video. I was caught up in my nationality, and in past experiences of being me, and being with international people. I was so stuck in my self-image… Then, I actually had to turn my camera off and leave the circle to pick up a package downstairs. I was off for about 20 or 30 minutes. When I was back, I still felt crazy enough to share something in the check out. I even pasted a link in the chat: Feminine Wisdom and the power of weakness. I felt the resonance, I felt like I had found a treasure, a virtual oasis where my body could rest, I felt home, and I just needed to voice that I was there. I also said: “I liked the question!”

With some time – I would say around 9 months in – I learned to use ‘hide self view’ in Zoom; I learned to free myself from the need to evaluate myself as beautiful. In my culture, I have been trained to look a certain way, so that I could belong – that is the conditioning. It seems stupid and boring as I write. It seems bullshit.

Anyway, it is bullshit! The Collective Presencing spirit teaches me, every time: cut the bullshit! Anything that has a hint of performance is gently invited to be dissolved, so that what is true might have some space, even if it is a small and fragile space: when it’s true, the collective body will recognize it and make it shine.

___________

We can see when someone is being a victim of their own self-image, and starts to perform in the circle; we can all feel it. What is most amazing to me is that we don’t need to point at it, we don’t need to change anything in our hosting, we just need to be present with whatever is present: it doesn’t matter if it is our resistance, our admiration or our indifference towards someone.

The more I was able to identify – and be present with – my feelings of resistance, admiration or indifference – the more I was also able to experience openness, inspiration and curiosity for anyone in the circle – including myself.

Amanda describes well how a very personal conditioning could be dropped through the practice, without ever talking about it in the circle. What made this possible is the basic stance of this practice: one of non-judgment, both for self and for others. We will later explain how this takes form in what we name as not speaking across the fire. (in Part 3)

Following is an essay, by another core practitioner, an older US citizen living in Paris, wherein most of the basic forms and principles of Collective Presencing are presented. We will highlight and explain the core elements after the essay.

Emerging Presence, essay by Eric Lichtman

Collective Presencing emerges in diverse ways within a circle. Many interests, curiosities, potentials and challenges are stimulated when engaged in a Collective Presencing (CP) practice. CP containers can be quite organic, similar to a fruit tree that in very fertile ground can grow quickly with the right conditions—light, air, sun, moisture, rich soil, etc. During a slowly-paced, well-organized (well-rooted), 90-minute circle session, different stems and branches with their intricate blossoms and nourishing fruits often emerge. This writing mostly highlights one feature of a CP-oriented circle, based on my observations as a practitioner for over two years: Emerging Presence.

The basic guidelines for creating our containers in Collective Presencing are fairly simple and accessible. This, in itself, allows for a remarkable range of participants’ interests, as each circle formation tends to grow its inner structure and resonance around (and within), including all those who participate. While we may refer to The Field, The Middle, the Rim of the circle, the actual circle of humans gathered—we as participants, in a natural way contribute many vital elements, which include the wider environment. All of We (and everything) becomes included in this circle—all are vital elements that combine and mix into an organic, fertile, tree-friendly co-creation!

When we host circles for Collective Presencing, we begin usually with a short introduction, then move to a check-in, followed by a framing from the host or co-hosts. After this, there’s a question, an Inquiry that is put in the middle of the circle, which can serve as an anchor or a focal point, a center-point (but it’s not necessary for this Inquiry to be directly engaged); the Dialogue follows with the question available for participants to see. The Inquiry (or Guiding Question) serves as an entry point to “The Field.” As we participate in our Circles, and explore sharing around The Middle, we listen, speak, sense, feel, reflect, express, contemplate, and “climb into” or feel into—leaning into and collaborating with a world full of adventure and the unknown; we enter into territory truly beyond any one individual, embarking in this journey, in which trusting together becomes better, more enriching for collective wisdom to emerge.

We are reminded by the dialogue hosts—to express ourselves, as much as possible—from The Middle and to The Middle. Does this sound confusing? It really isn’t once one has the opportunity to step into a CP container. As newcomers learn ways to participate in a CP circle, each person, in their own way, learns to sense into the circle’s resonance. As participants develop some familiarity with how it feels to come into Presence, the energies co-created by the participants tend to co-regulate, taking care of themselves—when given sufficient awareness (presencing) within the circle’s parameters. We generate a warm invitation: Participants—be willing to share, be willing to learn, uncover, and discover—lean into our process, attend carefully, and be fully present.

A note about coming into presence: In my early years in grade school when class attendance was taken, the teacher would call the names—James, Sylvie, Frank, Felipe, Susie, et al. Nearly everyone responds by saying “here” or “present” as the teacher checks their class roll. Simply by showing up, and occupying a seat in the class, the student claims to be “present”—yet, what does this really mean? They signal that they are “present” by their physical sense of being in the room, and that they’re occupying or filling a seat. But, in a CP session, participants do not merely “occupy” a seat in the circle. We are invited to show up fully—body, emotions, thoughts, environment, dreams, wishes, and more; we invite ourselves and one another to become activated—to feel life flowing through us, pulsating, merging fully within an ongoing adventure of presence.

What, then, are the main ingredients that go into our discovery of “ongoing presence” during a CP session? What’s primarily happening when we engage in Presencing? How does our awareness and aliveness influence our circle practice? Further, what happens to our Presencing as we become more Collective? A focus on Presencing generates tremendous, ongoing curiosity for me. It leads me to this writing. It motivates the following inquiry: what particular qualities contribute to vitality, depth, and discovery within an effective Collective Presencing session?

Attuning to energies that surface during a CP session encourages more overall dynamism and aliveness in the CP container. Expanding our individual tuning into what matters, from a felt sense and a personal urgency, is an important ingredient to showing up and being more fully present. Then this becomes part of our shared frequency; as material is shared collectively, it takes on energy and we become more energized. The “juicy material” of what matters goes to the center, and resides in The Middle; it also becomes vital to the weaving within the circle. Collectively the circle deepens our practice into what matters in ongoing and somewhat mysterious, non-linear ways, as our being present becomes, quite naturally, Collective Presencing.

This ongoing embodiment, both individually and collectively, reflects a growing group resonance. We also incorporate awareness of ways we use our voice and words to communicate. We communicate with our tones, we express using gestures—we communicate with hands, face, etc. At times, we may feel a need to “sing” or shout or murmur, or even silently to gesture what’s present so as not to feel constrained by conventional expression. This process of embodying our diverse communication adds detail and nuance to our map of presencing: who are we, both as individuals, and as a collective body? How do we—as emerging presences—feel called to share, to witness, to become authentic, together, as much as possible during our session? As our body-sensing of energies naturally becomes more transparent, we as a group become more coherent. Quite subtly, our focus and attention become activated, which gives shape to diverse and co-creative contributions. We commit to bringing all of ourselves into a CP circle—body sensations, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, tensions, delights, mysteries, etc. We continually open to the potential within the circle, and our individual and collectively expanding sensibilities. We often experience a refreshed and expanded vision of Time and Space; we become dancing partners together.

Eric’s writing touches on a lot of elements, and evokes some of the atmosphere and the qualities present in this kind of dialogue space. The conditions to make this happen are quite simple; we will start here with naming the basics.

As mentioned before, the practice of Collective Presencing builds on the ancient practice of sitting in circle. Instead of trying to write something original, I’m copying here a few paragraphs from the longer, original book, Collective Presencing: An Emerging Human Capacity (3.3 Basic Circle Practice):

As a way for people to come together, the circle has been around since the dawn of time. Many people thrive in a circle because it implicitly invites us to treat each other as equal human beings. Sitting in a circle invites an experience that is a world away from what happens when we meet around a square table, or in rows of chairs with someone standing in front. The latter arrangements tend to bring in more hierarchy, planning, debate and discussion (from the Latin root discutere, which means: to chop into pieces). In the Art of Hosting global network, we often introduce the circle as the mother of all social technologies.

Sitting in a circle to have a conversation (from the Latin root con-versare, meaning to turn to one another) invites (more) equal relations in the group; it is an invitation to be a ‘leader-full’ group. Practicing conversation in this way, over an extended period of time, allows one to engage deeply with a group of people. It also offers an excellent training ground for the varied aspects of becoming present on all the levels described so far. It offers deep learning by immersion.

Circle practice, with its simple agreements and guidelines, (more on these later) provides a safe space that invites trust, depth, intimacy and authenticity. When applied consistently and well, its guiding principles create a container of trust that strongly invites each participant to express their unique self and to welcome others in their authenticity in turn. As the shared experience evolves, this trust and safety grow, and participants begin to risk ever-deeper authenticity, firstly within the boundaries of the circle and later in many other arenas of life and work.

Circle practice connects us deeply with our shared humanity, while simultaneously revealing how unique each one of us is. The witnessing quality of the circle invites each person to express more of who they are. We each realise that there is deeper potential in ourselves and in others as well.

Circle practice is not to be confused with a community culture of superficial saccharin sweetness (“we all love each other so much”). What we are talking about here is a method that has a clear purpose and focuses on a shared inquiry. The purpose of the circle is not to feel happy, but rather to learn together. It is a shared collective inquiry – although one can certainly become happy as a side effect! In the basic form, the focus is on how to become present – increasingly so and in ever more settings and situations – so that an emergent collective wisdom becomes available. In deeper circle practice, the purpose is to extend the alignment in all directions and reach a space of shared creativity and generativity that adds more to life than what is already present.

Welcoming and framing

Every gathering, every meeting benefits from starting well – and I mean indeed every meeting, even in business contexts! Circle practice starts with a welcome and some context setting that brings the purpose of the meeting front and center. Often the welcome is spoken by the person hosting the gathering (more on the difference between hosting and facilitating below), but that’s not a fixed rule.

How we frame or contextualise a conversation is much more important than we generally realise. Each time we meet, it is good and helpful to be very explicit about the intention for the meeting, the methodology we will use and the overall purpose of the circle. It is not wise to assume that such framing is superfluous and that everyone knows what we are about! While circle practice is very simple, framing the conversation at the outset helps to set clear boundaries for the container being offered (“This is how we do it, and why.”) and ensure that we are all on the same page in this learning environment (“This is what the conversation is about, this is our intention and our guiding question.”)

Introducing circle practice

As far as participants are not all familiar with working in circle, it is important to introduce the basic elements. These elements are few and simple, but very impactful when taken to heart. First is to speak with intention. This means that when we speak we do not let our words meander aimlessly, but we choose what is relevant to the question or the shared topic. Second is to listen with attention or curiosity, giving our full attention to what is shared by others, trying to understand what they are conveying beyond the words spoken. This is empathic listening, where we are able to feel or recognise in ourselves what the others are expressing. The third and last practice is to care for the well being of the group, specifically being conscious of the impact of what we say and how we say it.

One element that really sets circle practice apart from our habitual speaking is the use of a talking piece. The person who holds the piece is the one who can speak and the one that others are listening to. There is no interruption whatsoever. The use of a talking piece slows down the conversation a lot, and that is indeed our intention. We slow down to listen well, both to what rises up in us as we speak, and also to listen and witness what is being expressed through the words, the intonations, the small gestures, the silence woven in between by others. If we are to access some deeper and subtle knowing then we need to leave behind the quick pace of our habitual exchanges. Online, this can easily be done through un-muting ourselves and speaking our intention when starting to share.

Simple structure of a dialogue session

A Collective Presencing session has a very simple format. After the Welcome and Framing and the introduction of circle practice, the actual session starts with a check-in round, and then the dialogue is introduced by offering the guiding question with its specific framing. Within the context of our 90-minute sessions we want to give each person enough air time in a session; and out of experience, we split the group up in two when there are 16 or more participants. The session is closed with some form of check-out; which is also the time that the different breakout groups come back together. Let’s dive a bit deeper in each of these elements.

Check-in round

A check-in round is in essence there to let others hear how you are entering the conversation. Maybe your child was sick during the night? Maybe the recent news has shaken you up? Maybe your housing situation is shifting drastically? On the other side of the spectrum: maybe you are in a really good spot with your relationship? Maybe you are very happy with how your gardening has provided you with lots of vegetables? When others know a tiny bit of this background they have a better context to understand the vibe you are bringing in.

In sharing these emotions, these worries, these facts into the middle of the circle we will notice that it brings us more here and now, and that what was blocking us from paying full attention has had its articulation and can more easily move to the background. So, the aim is not alone that others understand a bit where you are coming from, it is also a service to yourself of being able to become more present.

How the talking piece travels through the circle can take two forms. In person-to-person circles it is quite common to pass the talking piece around the circle. If it comes your way and you don’t feel ready to share, you can pass it on to your neighbor and later the piece will come back to you. When more people are accustomed to the practice the talking piece can be in the middle (either physically or metaphorically) and people pick it up as they feel called to share.

The dialogue

Then the real dialogue part can start. The hosts of the conversation will introduce the guiding question for which we gathered; most likely offering some framing around the question. (More on how to find and articulate these questions later)

When it is a deep inquiry, it might be that several sessions use the same question. Still, a framing from a slightly different angle will inspire the dialogue. We tend to think too many times that every participant gets what we are doing or where the question is pointing to; I have come to see that is not the case. Another way of bringing in the inquiry is like an appetizer to a good meal. Taking care of a good framing will be appreciated and will enhance the quality of the dialogue that follows. In this dialogue we keep using the talking piece from the middle, as it slows the conversation down so we are able to access intuitions, hunches, unformed ideas, subtle sensing etc. It is also mentioned by the host that silence is more than welcome. There can be silence between the sharing of two people, but equally so each one in the circle can ask for some silence; thus as long as they are holding the talking piece everyone shares this silence and re-centers if needed.

Checkout or closing the inquiry

When working in circle, it is important to close the conversation properly. We give an opportunity for everyone to say a final word or sentence (or sometimes silence), to share the meaning this particular conversation had for them. An inviting question can be offered to guide this round of sharing; and could be as simple as: What do you need to voice to close the circle well? I notice how many times, in regular meetings, we drop this practice of closing, mostly due to so-called time constraints. When we don’t give in to this pressure, it is very rewarding to learn how people are leaving the gathering and what they take away with them from the circle. Sometimes you are really surprised how their experience is so different from yours!

More rules, principles and prompts, which get you deeper from the basics into the practice of Collective Presencing, you find in the next part of the book. They are not to be seen as strict rules, but more as invitations for everyone involved, as we want to stretch people’s ability to be in this kind of conversation, knowing too well it feels quite strange in the beginning, and it is quite different from normal conversations.